Atheist Alien-Doom Metal and Doom New Age Poetry

from Laser Yoga Records


I am the moon, you FUCK! I draw the light from your burning yellow star and let it shine on to you-- even in the dark of night! Feel my glorious icy blue glow, all for you! I am the newest and greatest of your gods, you need no other! I am the lunar, I am the moon! You will have no others! All the lower gods bow down to me and the sun is jealous and she falters at my beauty! I am both the Notus and the Eurus. There have been MANY before me: Arianrhod, Artemis, Artume, Ataegina, Bendis, Diana, Elatha, Hecate, Hors, Ilargi, Kuu, Luna, Phoebe, Selene! But none as dark and daring as me. I am di-unus, and you will hear the roar from both of me! Mark me! ...This story is true. This is the tale of my evolution, my transformation from puny human to mythical lunar god, and someday you might all evolve, so follow me and be tangled up in my terrifying wake! Someday you all will luminesce from above as the stars ignite in the heavens. But today is NOT that day! Today you are only human, and I soar above you, as a celestial Gamayun, perceiving from the SKY!!!! Any resistance to me will only deepen your anguish and make you more meaningless and weak than you already are. So, SPARE me your Earthly platitudes and just accept the inevitable! I will drive my point into your mind…...Drive it down!!!!! The act of recalling these events to you, the events of when I was a lowly human, of when I was MORTAL, of right before I was embraced by the mythic cosmos above, will distort and darken your tender psyche and may cause BLEEDING from your eyes and ears! IF YOU'RE LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!! One day, about a year ago, when I was still a fucking human, while walking back from my favorite coffee shop in Captial Hill--COFFEE MESSIAH!! even though the owner was kind of a dick to me, oh well his fucking coffee was good. ….anyway, I met 3 Stygian women sporting long billowy scarves and disjointed velvet visages, their tense gait cooled further the already frigid air---stone and frozen! They targeted me! I was targeted, and someday they will target you! Oh, but pray to the upper gods that they will drain the red hot lava of mortal life blood from your veins and raise you to the conflagrant electric sky! Your soul spaghettified into nuclear tentacles-- stretching to infinity! The Stygians pulled me into an alley, and smacked my face, causing me to spill my fucking coffee. The hot brew burning and spraying up...refracting and glistening from the street lights. THE LAST WARM GLOW I would ever see as a mortal. They boasted to me that they could bring me to the way, join me to the truth, and show me a life of brotherhood and sisterhood and purpose..LIES!!!!!!!!!!!! Then they held me down, smacked me further, pulled my head back and forced a strange drink down my opened throat, they called it “The Nectar of Capitulation and Submission”, it tasted like Pentothal and copper and it made me shiver and pass out... Then I lost time, a LOT of time. I woke up violently what seemed like days later, in what, from the looks of things, could only assume was a drafty abandoned motel room in a drafty abandoned motel…….Somewhere on earth. Eyes still blurry, eager waking consciousness shocking me awake. Can’t see much yet, trying to see, blurs and zig zags everywhere, turning with me, following my eyes, rainbow auras staring back, then turning away. A tiny stream of dusk glow invading the room from the torn window shades, just a ray of light piercing the darkness. Acrid smoke and the stench of Fumitory clouding the claustrophobic air. I’m strapped to a hospital gurnie, FUCK! what the fuck! I jolted up my neck as best I could, I spasmed and vomited. The anesthesia was wearing off, they must have given me anesthesia, it feels like I've been out for days. I squinted my eyes open again, much pain, walking abrasive vampire shadows walking past me, holding clipboards, grasping straws. The murkiness of unconsciousness is now fade, fading, faded. I am awake. I try to sit up, FAIL FAILING FAILED! My hands are still chained to the chrome rails of the gurnie. Who the fuck are these people? They’re howling at me and each other with their corrosive libelous lipstick and blood soaked smiles. Benzedrine dripping from their lips. Fuck their smiles, what are they hiding? Why are they happy? Some jagged words hang in the room’s thick smokey pungent air. “You are here for some tests”, I heard the voice whisper from a dark corner. What fucking tests are they talking about? Where am I? A woman's voice, older. “We can’t trust you, you have no faith, you have no faith!…. you belong to no one!!!”. From another far corner I hear “he belongs to no one” in a worried tone. What? What is this? Rehab? De-programming? Re-programming? Some cult? They didn't trust me, no, no apparently not until the test results would come back, and then, then they could diagnose apparently what was wrong. My mind raced, what could be wrong? I felt fine yesterday. Maybe I should trust them? Maybe they can help? Maybe they could label it, maybe they could treat it, maybe they could cure it, perhaps they could try to explain it, maybe it wouldn't be so horrifying to them if the answer was simply that I had a massive bleeding fucking tumor crawling around my frontal lobe…..wouldn't that be a relief for all parties involved. My sight was now returned fully and my hearing came roaring back, first dull, now sharp. I saw elderly nurses wearing purple perms and dusty glittering garb and orderlies sporting sick sideways glances, whispering curiosites and concerns to each other, streaming in and out of a loose screen door at the back of the sparingly appointed motel room, the door banging closed each time. Bang. Shut. Bang. Shut. Bang. SHUT!!!! So, there it is, I'm going insane. This planet is weird. The main nurse in charge, or the woman nearest to me…. she must have been in charge, evil fucking eyes and what looked like a motivation for punishing anything she didn’t agree with... she was clinging to a chart, presumably mine, and was handed a stack of forms from one of the orderlies, who was in tears…. WHAT A WEAK PUKE!!!! The main nurse’s eyes started to shake in their sockets, her frame teetered and tottered. Now, all the nurse’s eyes in the room--- 10, on 5 nurses all began to well up. Streaming, sputtering, choking, crying, whaling with terror. The already disordered mood in the room was set aflame with violent strife and sedate sadness. Everyone started pounding their chests and crying to some invisible god, crying, screaming, and then pounding each other's chests, the orderlies pounding on the nurses, the nurses pounding on the walls, the walls BELLOWING!!!!! Then the medical welcome committee who surrounded me started to claw at themselves, trembling hands raking down their once self-assured cheeks and necks. THEY WERE DOING IT TO THEMSELVES! Their cries were of loss, of disappointment of bitter grief. But who were they disappointed with? Surely not me? Who was “I” to them? A new voice slithered out of the darkness “he doesn't have any faith, he doesn't believe in god, He has no faith!....what do we do with him?!....”LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! Then, a skinny grey and gold headed Nurses Aid exacting yet hesitant in presentation and view, walked up to me, and sharply spun the bad news into my ears, whispering knives, intruding! She told me they were hoping it was a tumor,or a genetic condition, something that would be the reason I didn't trust in god, but the cries and tears from before, she added, were NOT because they found something wrong with me. No no no…. It was because they could find NOTHING wrong with me, not a thing, there were NO obvious physical or psychological reasons for my disbelief, they just couldn't understand it. IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE TO THEM! She looked puzzled, and said she felt pity for me as she gently caressed my forehead, a soft drag of her boney grimey hand that ended with a hard pinch to my cheek. I asked her why? She said it was because I believe in nothing. She said she couldn't save me, that I was cursed by her god. Whatever, these people are fucking crazy. She pulls a key out from her rusty lab coat, stained with blood and mustard, and unlocks the chain tying my hands to the gurnie rail. I jerked my hands back. She tells me I need to beg her god for forgiveness. Then everyone in the room starts chanting, “he believes in nothing”, “he believes in nothing. He believes in nothinnnnnggggggg……” Then, as if prompted by a silent bell, everyone filed out of the room, out into the desolate barren wilderness, the loose screen door announcing the exit of each. Chanting follows them outside, music of the saints? NO, but a tired chorus of the defeated. Time passed, then almost drained of all human energy, I managed to crawl outside into a windswept desert, I began shouting at the sky. The medical crew, they were marching away blindly, as was most certainly their custom, and almost out of sight. And now, by my mind, I am HOME free, and by theirs, I am long gone. Good for them, I wish them the worst, and in the worst way. I have to beg god? WHAT? Beg god for what! Nothing! Where do they get that? What are they talking about? They don’t know me! Who are you people? What do you mean? You actually believe in this shit? No, don’t save me, don’t include me, I’m not joining. Who are you people? Do you think any of this is real? You made all this up. This is from you and your sick stupid books. So then I don't believe in YOU! Grow up. Get a life. I don’t believe in your fairytales, and you know what, I don't think you do either! Do you want to control me? No? Then set me free. I’m not going to submit to your god. I won’t submit to anyone. Just set me free! Why can’t you leave me alone? I don’t want to know your god, Fuck your god and Fuck you too! I believe in me, I’m a person who can do anything. It’s up to me. If you can’t prove your god exists, then go find something else to do with your life. Why are you wearing that stupid costume? You think your god cares? I’m laughing. You say the stars tell a story? But the stars in the sky are just the stars in the sky! And the moon is just the moon. But oh how I am drawn to it ..The sun is warm, and the sun is real. Did god speak to you? Because god didn't speak to me. And you know what, I don't think god spoke to you. I think you’re lying. I think you’re lying because you're afraid you're the only one who doesn't hear. But what if no one else is hearing it, and what if everyone is afraid and what if everyone is lying, lying to fit in, to fit in to your stupid club. Did god bless you? Great because god doesn't bless everyone, you know that? They prayed too, then they died! If a family dies, did they deserve it? Part of god’s fucking plan!?!!?!? Maybe you can ask your god. Babies die, maybe your god didn't bless them either. Thanks for nothing. Do you care who I love? Fuck you. Do you care how I love? Fuck you! Do you care when I love? Fuck you. Do you want to hold my hand? Fuck You! DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT TO BELIEVE!? Fuck You! Your book sucks and so do you! I believe in me. I can do everything. I have a 360 degree reality as my canvas, and I will paint my future. My future without lies! I don’t need to worship anyone, or any god. I love my life , I want to be free. I WILL be free! Your religion is peace? Your religion is love? Bullshit! Besides endless stories of indiscriminate killing and subjugation of women and girls , your book also tells you to cut babies...for god!!! WHAT THE FUCK!? That’s so fucked up. Sicko! Do you think that makes god happy? Does it make you sick? It should!! It makes me sick! You're sick! Get a life! Does god whisper to you? Does god tell you that you're right? I believe in me, I am alive and awake. I believe in life…... and YOU can BELIEVE in ME---I’M REAL! I love who I love and you can’t stop me. I fuck who I fuck and you can’t stop me. I friend who I friend and you can’t stop me. Tell your god to stop me I’m waiting. I’m waiting. I’m waiting. Why can’t your god say hi? This planet is weird. My body is mine, not yours. If I invite you, you’ll share it with me. Otherwise stay the fuck away! Keep your god away from me. Keep your god away from my body. Keep your god away from my kids. Keep your god away from my mind. God will choke on the truth. God will choke on my truth. I am love and I am compassion! If I drown, will I wake up? I don’t know, yes please, but if no, then no...If you drown, will you shut up about your god. Please and thank you. If you don’t approve of me please fall off of the earth! I’m not in your club, I'm in mine. I’m the leader, I’m the guru, I’m the savior! I’m the prophet! I’m the next step in human evolution!!!!! I believe in the sun and the moon and the stars. I believe in me. I believe in reality, and I believe in life. And even though you’re everywhere, swarming around me, trying to shame me, trying to suffocate me, lying to suffocate me, trying to demonize me, trying to vilify me, I will survive you! There are more like me. There are more like me than you know. There are more like me than you could possibly imagine. There are more like me. THERE ARE MORE LIKE ME!!! And at the very moment I shouted those last words, the nightfell, semi-dusk skies curled open above me and all of the wispy clouds and golden rust of sunset evaporated before my eyes. Perhaps the gods felt pity for me, for the abuse I had taken at the hands of the religions and their fanatical followers. Then, riding on the Astraeus wind, a massive shadow started coursing along the desert floor, I looked up, I saw it, it flew from above, a bird of fire-a crystalline Alkonost, heralding a thunderous storm of sound and light and fury, sleek and magnificently malevolent. Simultaneously royal and esoteric a shower of burning iridium--alive with fire. Suddenly, a shower of green and golden metallic angelic sound fell onto me from the icy dark Alkonost, music more beautiful than any I've heard before, I wanted to die, I needed nothing, nothing more, that sound was everything to me. Then a thunderous voice, likened to a mountain of copper skimming across an ocean of light. It said “Bring all your dreams to me, for I am a helper and a fixer.” A fixer? To what end? This is the magic, for the music heralded by the Alkonost gifted me the power to transcend humanity, to reach higher, to exist on a higher plane of being. To touch the gods…. To become a god. And then again, there are NONE like me. None likened to my power. For my pull is fierce and omnipresent. You can feel me in your oceans... in your sleep...IN YOUR WOMBS!! For I encompass the whole of the moon, the breadth AND the depth, the craters and the tunnels, the sharp diamonds, the rocky ledges, the beauty and the sadness, the starlight from without and within! For I light my own chalice! I am the Moon ……......…. I am your god now!!!!!