DOOM METAL AND DOOM NEW AGE
SPOKEN WORD POETRY
from Laser Yoga Records
LYRICS
I am the moon, you FUCK! I draw the light from your burning yellow star
and let it shine on to you-- even in the dark of night! Feel my
glorious icy blue glow, all for you! I am the newest and greatest of
your gods, you need no other! I am
the lunar, I am the moon! You will have no others! All the lower gods
bow down to me and the sun is jealous and she falters at my beauty! I
am both the Notus and the Eurus. There have been MANY before me:
Arianrhod, Artemis,
Artume, Ataegina, Bendis, Diana, Elatha, Hecate, Hors, Ilargi, Kuu,
Luna, Phoebe, Selene! But none as dark and daring as me. I am di-unus,
and you will hear the roar from both of me! Mark me! ...This story is
true. This is the tale of my
evolution, my transformation from puny human to mythical lunar god, and
someday you might all evolve, so follow me and be tangled up in my
terrifying wake! Someday you all will luminesce from above as the stars
ignite in the heavens.
But today is NOT that day! Today you are only human, and I soar above
you, as a celestial Gamayun, perceiving from the SKY!!!! Any resistance
to me will only deepen your anguish and make you more meaningless and
weak than you
already are. So, SPARE me your Earthly platitudes and just accept the
inevitable! I will drive my point into your mind…...Drive it
down!!!!! The act of recalling these events to you, the events of when
I was a lowly human, of when I was
MORTAL, of right before I was embraced by the mythic cosmos above, will
distort and darken your tender psyche and may cause BLEEDING from your
eyes and ears! IF YOU'RE LUCKY!!!!!!!!!!! One day, about a year ago,
when I was still
a fucking human, while walking back from my favorite coffee shop in
Captial Hill--COFFEE MESSIAH!! even though the owner was kind of a dick
to me, oh well his fucking coffee was good. ….anyway, I met 3
Stygian women sporting long
billowy scarves and disjointed velvet visages, their tense gait cooled
further the already frigid air---stone and frozen! They targeted me! I
was targeted, and someday they will target you! Oh, but pray to the
upper gods that they will drain
the red hot lava of mortal life blood from your veins and raise you to
the conflagrant electric sky! Your soul spaghettified into nuclear
tentacles-- stretching to infinity! The Stygians pulled me into an
alley, and smacked my face, causing
me to spill my fucking coffee. The hot brew burning and spraying
up...refracting and glistening from the street lights. THE LAST WARM
GLOW I would ever see as a mortal. They boasted to me that they could
bring me to the way, join me to
the truth, and show me a life of brotherhood and sisterhood and
purpose..LIES!!!!!!!!!!!! Then they held me down, smacked me further,
pulled my head back and forced a strange drink down my opened throat,
they called it “The Nectar
of Capitulation and Submission”, it tasted like Pentothal and
copper and it made me shiver and pass out... Then I lost time, a LOT of
time. I woke up violently what seemed like days later, in what, from
the looks of things, could only
assume was a drafty abandoned motel room in a drafty abandoned
motel…….Somewhere on earth. Eyes still blurry, eager
waking consciousness shocking me awake. Can’t see much yet,
trying to see, blurs and zig zags everywhere,
turning with me, following my eyes, rainbow auras staring back, then
turning away. A tiny stream of dusk glow invading the room from the
torn window shades, just a ray of light piercing the darkness. Acrid
smoke and the stench of
Fumitory clouding the claustrophobic air. I’m strapped to a
hospital gurnie, FUCK! what the fuck! I jolted up my neck as best I
could, I spasmed and vomited. The anesthesia was wearing off, they must
have given me anesthesia, it feels
like I've been out for days. I squinted my eyes open again, much pain,
walking abrasive vampire shadows walking past me, holding clipboards,
grasping straws. The murkiness of unconsciousness is now fade, fading,
faded. I am awake.
I try to sit up, FAIL FAILING FAILED! My hands are still chained to the
chrome rails of the gurnie. Who the fuck are these people? They’re
howling at me and each other with their corrosive libelous lipstick and
blood soaked smiles.
Benzedrine dripping from their lips. Fuck their smiles, what are they
hiding? Why are they happy? Some jagged words hang in the room’s
thick smokey pungent air. “You are here for some tests”, I
heard the voice whisper from a dark
corner. What fucking tests are they talking about? Where am I? A
woman's voice, older. “We can’t trust you, you have no
faith, you have no faith!…. you belong to no one!!!”. From
another far corner I hear “he belongs to no one” in a
worried tone. What? What is this? Rehab? De-programming?
Re-programming? Some cult? They didn't trust me, no, no apparently not
until the test results would come back, and then, then they could
diagnose apparently what was
wrong. My mind raced, what could be wrong? I felt fine yesterday. Maybe
I should trust them? Maybe they can help? Maybe they could label it,
maybe they could treat it, maybe they could cure it, perhaps they could
try to explain it,
maybe it wouldn't be so horrifying to them if the answer was simply
that I had a massive bleeding fucking tumor crawling around my frontal
lobe…..wouldn't that be a relief for all parties involved. My
sight was now returned fully and my
hearing came roaring back, first dull, now sharp. I saw elderly nurses
wearing purple perms and dusty glittering garb and orderlies sporting
sick sideways glances, whispering curiosites and concerns to each
other, streaming in and out of
a loose screen door at the back of the sparingly appointed motel room,
the door banging closed each time. Bang. Shut. Bang. Shut. Bang.
SHUT!!!! So, there it is, I'm going insane. This planet is weird. The
main nurse in charge, or the
woman nearest to me…. she must have been in charge, evil fucking
eyes and what looked like a motivation for punishing anything she
didn’t agree with... she was clinging to a chart, presumably
mine, and was handed a stack of forms
from one of the orderlies, who was in tears…. WHAT A WEAK
PUKE!!!! The main nurse’s eyes started to shake in their sockets,
her frame teetered and tottered. Now, all the nurse’s eyes in the
room--- 10, on 5 nurses all began to well up.
Streaming, sputtering, choking, crying, whaling with terror. The
already disordered mood in the room was set aflame with violent strife
and sedate sadness. Everyone started pounding their chests and crying
to some invisible god, crying,
screaming, and then pounding each other's chests, the orderlies
pounding on the nurses, the nurses pounding on the walls, the walls
BELLOWING!!!!! Then the medical welcome committee who surrounded me
started to claw at
themselves, trembling hands raking down their once self-assured cheeks
and necks. THEY WERE DOING IT TO THEMSELVES! Their cries were of loss,
of disappointment of bitter grief. But who were they disappointed with?
Surely not me?
Who was “I” to them? A new voice slithered out of the
darkness “he doesn't have any faith, he doesn't believe in god,
He has no faith!....what do we do with him?!....”LEAVE ME
ALONE!!!! Then, a skinny grey and gold headed Nurses Aid
exacting yet hesitant in presentation and view, walked up to me, and
sharply spun the bad news into my ears, whispering knives, intruding!
She told me they were hoping it was a tumor,or a genetic condition,
something that would be the
reason I didn't trust in god, but the cries and tears from before, she
added, were NOT because they found something wrong with me. No no
no…. It was because they could find NOTHING wrong with me, not a
thing, there were NO obvious
physical or psychological reasons for my disbelief, they just couldn't
understand it. IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE TO THEM! She looked puzzled, and
said she felt pity for me as she gently caressed my forehead, a soft
drag of her boney grimey
hand that ended with a hard pinch to my cheek. I asked her why? She
said it was because I believe in nothing. She said she couldn't save
me, that I was cursed by her god. Whatever, these people are fucking
crazy. She pulls a key out
from her rusty lab coat, stained with blood and mustard, and unlocks
the chain tying my hands to the gurnie rail. I jerked my hands back.
She tells me I need to beg her god for forgiveness. Then everyone in
the room starts chanting,
“he believes in nothing”, “he believes in nothing. He
believes in nothinnnnnggggggg……” Then, as if
prompted by a silent bell, everyone filed out of the room, out into the
desolate barren wilderness, the loose screen door announcing the
exit of each. Chanting follows them outside, music of the saints? NO,
but a tired chorus of the defeated. Time passed, then almost drained of
all human energy, I managed to crawl outside into a windswept desert, I
began shouting at the
sky. The medical crew, they were marching away blindly, as was most
certainly their custom, and almost out of sight. And now, by my mind, I
am HOME free, and by theirs, I am long gone. Good for them, I wish them
the worst, and in the
worst way. I have to beg god? WHAT? Beg god for what! Nothing! Where do
they get that? What are they talking about? They don’t know me!
Who are you people? What do you mean? You actually believe in this
shit? No, don’t save me,
don’t include me, I’m not joining. Who are you people? Do
you think any of this is real? You made all this up. This is from you
and your sick stupid books. So then I don't believe in YOU! Grow up.
Get a life. I don’t believe in your fairytales,
and you know what, I don't think you do either! Do you want to control
me? No? Then set me free. I’m not going to submit to your god. I
won’t submit to anyone. Just set me free! Why can’t you
leave me alone? I don’t want to know your
god, Fuck your god and Fuck you too! I believe in me, I’m a
person who can do anything. It’s up to me. If you can’t
prove your god exists, then go find something else to do with your
life. Why are you wearing that stupid costume? You think
your god cares? I’m laughing. You say the stars tell a story? But
the stars in the sky are just the stars in the sky! And the moon is
just the moon. But oh how I am drawn to it ..The sun is warm, and the
sun is real. Did god speak to you?
Because god didn't speak to me. And you know what, I don't think god
spoke to you. I think you’re lying. I think you’re lying
because you're afraid you're the only one who doesn't hear. But what if
no one else is hearing it, and what if
everyone is afraid and what if everyone is lying, lying to fit in, to
fit in to your stupid club. Did god bless you? Great because god
doesn't bless everyone, you know that? They prayed too, then they died!
If a family dies, did they deserve it?
Part of god’s fucking plan!?!!?!? Maybe you can ask your god.
Babies die, maybe your god didn't bless them either. Thanks for
nothing. Do you care who I love? Fuck you. Do you care how I love? Fuck
you! Do you care when I love?
Fuck you. Do you want to hold my hand? Fuck You! DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT TO BELIEVE!? Fuck You! Your book sucks and so do you! I believe in
me. I can do everything. I have a 360 degree reality as my canvas, and
I will paint
my future. My future without lies! I don’t need to worship
anyone, or any god. I love my life , I want to be free. I WILL be free!
Your religion is peace? Your religion is love? Bullshit! Besides
endless stories of indiscriminate killing and
subjugation of women and girls , your book also tells you to cut
babies...for god!!! WHAT THE FUCK!? That’s so fucked up. Sicko!
Do you think that makes god happy? Does it make you sick? It should!!
It makes me sick! You're sick!
Get a life! Does god whisper to you? Does god tell you that you're
right? I believe in me, I am alive and awake. I believe in
life…... and YOU can BELIEVE in ME---I’M REAL! I love who
I love and you can’t stop me. I fuck who I fuck and you
can’t stop me. I friend who I friend and you can’t stop me.
Tell your god to stop me I’m waiting. I’m waiting.
I’m waiting. Why can’t your god say hi? This planet is
weird. My body is mine, not yours. If I invite you, you’ll share
it with me.
Otherwise stay the fuck away! Keep your god away from me. Keep your god
away from my body. Keep your god away from my kids. Keep
your god away from my mind. God will choke on the truth. God will choke
on my truth. I am love and I
am compassion! If I drown, will I wake up? I don’t know, yes
please, but if no, then no...If you drown, will you shut up about your
god. Please and thank you. If you don’t approve of me please fall
off of the earth! I’m not in your club, I'm in
mine. I’m the leader, I’m the guru, I’m the savior!
I’m the prophet! I’m the next step in human evolution!!!!!
I believe in the sun and the moon and the stars. I believe in me. I
believe in reality, and I believe in life. And even though you’re
everywhere, swarming around me, trying to shame me, trying to suffocate
me, lying to suffocate me, trying to demonize me, trying to vilify me,
I will survive you! There are more like me. There are more like me than
you know. There are
more like me than you could possibly imagine. There are more like me.
THERE ARE MORE LIKE ME!!! And at the very moment I shouted those last
words, the nightfell, semi-dusk skies curled open above me and all of
the wispy clouds
and golden rust of sunset evaporated before my eyes. Perhaps the gods
felt pity for me, for the abuse I had taken at the hands of the
religions and their fanatical followers. Then, riding on the Astraeus
wind, a massive shadow started
coursing along the desert floor, I looked up, I saw it, it flew from
above, a bird of fire-a crystalline Alkonost, heralding a thunderous
storm of sound and light and fury, sleek and magnificently malevolent.
Simultaneously royal and esoteric
a shower of burning iridium--alive with fire. Suddenly, a shower of
green and golden metallic angelic sound fell onto me from the icy dark
Alkonost, music more
beautiful than any I've heard before, I wanted to die, I needed
nothing, nothing more, that sound was everything to me. Then a
thunderous voice, likened to a
mountain of copper skimming across an ocean of light. It said
“Bring all your dreams to me, for I am a helper and a
fixer.” A fixer? To what end? This is the magic,
for the music heralded by the Alkonost gifted me the power to transcend
humanity, to reach higher, to exist on a higher plane of being. To
touch the gods….
To become a god. And then again, there are NONE like me. None likened
to my power. For my pull is fierce and omnipresent. You can feel me in
your oceans...
in your sleep...IN YOUR WOMBS!! For I encompass the whole of the moon,
the breadth AND the depth, the craters and the tunnels, the sharp
diamonds, the rocky
ledges, the beauty and the sadness, the starlight from without and
within! For I light my own chalice! I am the Moon
……......…. I am your god now!!!!!